Day 8 – Wish List

If I could wish for five things on my journey through grief they would be the following.

1. Forgiveness  – From my friends, coworkers and family. I am definitely not the person that I used to be and sometimes that is not a good thing, so for that I ask for your forgiveness. I no longer feel the urgency in certain matters, I am quick to be angered or upset. There are days that I just don’t feel like handling the world. For this I am sorry and hope that those around me can forgive me. Forgive me for not gushing over a new baby or feeling sorry for you when you are pregnant and uncomfortable. I want to do many of the these things and I just can’t, so for that I am sorry and hope you can forgive me.
2. Understanding – Understand that I will not always want to hear about so and so that just announced that they are pregnant or see hundreds of pictures of babies and toddlers. Some days I will be okay with this, some days I will not. Please understand that this is not about you personally. This is about me and my feelings and my loss and it is something that sometimes I just can’t help. Understand that although most of the time I will be able to laugh and have a good time, there are things that spark memories and grief, and that happiness can change in an instant.
3. Awareness – I wish that this world would become more aware of infertility, pregnancy loss and infant loss. It is very common and is all around us, there is just a stigma about talking about it. Like if you talk about it, it will happen to you. Be aware that your friends or family could be going through something like this. If you have friends who have been married for a few years, or not even that long, don’t bug or ask them when they are having children or if they have one child, when the next is coming. Be aware that maybe it is not their choice.
4. Compassion – So many people are suffering from loss and need. Be compassionate to people. Don’t be quick to judge a person, you just don’t know what they are going through or struggling with. Show those that you know who are going through something that you love them, don’t just say it, show it. Do something for them, even if it’s just giving them a hug when you think that they are probably having a rough day. Realize that they are not going to be the same as they used to be.
5. Remembrance – Most of all, I just want Hunter to be remembered. I want him to be known as our child. That he was alive and part of our family. That I don’t have just one child. That he was and is loved. Talk about him, even if you didn’t meet him. Don’t feel sorry for me when I do talk about him, be a part of that conversation.  Just remember him for who he was. My son.