Celebrating events or special days can be a little bit of an emotional challenge at times. You want to be happy and celebrate, but every so often this little pang will pop into your mind and you are reminded of what is missing.
A few weeks ago my mom was asking me what I wanted for my birthday, my husband did the same. Honestly there is only one thing I want, and that one thing I can’t have, so it makes everything else seem trivial.
I was already missing Hunter and wishing he was here with us to celebrate and then I went to the mailbox and what was in the box, but a formula sample. Happy Birthday, here is a package for your dead son. No matter how many times I have unsubscribed or emailed to tell them my son is no longer with us, they just keep sending them. On a good day this upsets me, but on my birthday, it was a little worse. It was another reminder that he should be here and he isn’t.
I did have a wonderful day, I got to spend some nice quality time with my family and friends, and received so many wonderful warm wishes and messages. But even through out all of the fun and laughter, I missed the little person that should have been here with me.
Maybe one day celebrations will become easier, part of me doesn’t want them to be, I want to remember that Hunter should be here celebrating with us. I don’t ever want to forget him or not be reminded of him. His time here was so short that I worry that one day things won’t remind me of him. For this reason I would prefer to take moments and be sad, sometimes we just need to do that. Even if it feels as if the whole world just keeps spinning around you when you do.
If you have been through something traumatic or lost someone you love, you probably can relate to that emptiness that you feel during celebrations. If you know of someone who has been through a loss whether it was recent or even years past, remember that if they seem a little off at what should be a celebration, that they are probably remembering and just need a moment to themselves. Give them that moment to themselves, or better yet give them a hug and say something about the person you know that they are missing. Join them in a memory so that the person they are missing becomes a part of the celebration too.
It is okay to just cry if you want to.
My Little Acorn 