I just got home from the dentist and I cannot feel the side of my face or tongue. I sound like I have drank a couple bottles of wine. What I really wish is that you could numb emotional pain the way you can numb physical pain.
When I arrived at the dentist I didn’t realize that it was going to be a roller coaster of an emotional couple hours. I have been to the dentist at least twice since Hunter has passed. They knew I was pregnant and that my water broke early as I had to cancel some appointments, and I have been since and no one said anything to me. Ian mentioned that he had told them Hunter did not survive, but they never brought it up to me at my previous appointments.
Today out of the blue my dentist says, I am so sorry for your loss and what happened. So I say thank you. But she wasn’t done. I then had to tell the whole story because she didn’t realize that I stayed pregnant after my water broke and that Hunter was born alive. This was unfortunately at the beginning of my appointment, so I then had to sit through the drilling and procedure after. Not the best afternoon.
I just wanted to come home and crawl into bed and put the cover over my head and never come out. But that is not possible I have someone else I have to look after. Someone who needed to be picked up from daycare, given dinner, taken to swimming and put to bed. Sometimes that is a blessing, a distraction, something that keeps me going; but today I just wanted to be able to mourn Hunter, to give in to the ache that is inside me.
My Little Acorn 