The biggest thing that I lost when my son died was my innocence and naivety towards grief and loss. Not even just grief and loss on a normal level of loosing someone who you knew you would eventually loose, but loosing a child, something that should not happen to any parent.
My mind now thinks in a completely different way. I am now so much more protective and worried about EVERYTHING that Xander does. I’ve even said it out loud a few times to Ian, “I’ve lost one child already, I can’t loose another.” And it is probably over something that most parents would shrug about. But when you’ve experienced the loss of a child the thought of loosing another or even the thought that your other child could be hurt and need to go to the hospital takes your breath away. You barely survived the grief once so you doubt you could survive it again.
I now think more about how lucky I am for certain things, like having Xander and things that a lot of parents complain about really bother me. Yes your baby had you up all night, but you have that baby. Yes Xander just spent 30 minutes arguing with me over why he does not need a coat when it’s only two degrees outside and now we are late, but at least I have him hear arguing with me.
Friendships, something else that has definitely changed, some people who I considered some of my best friends I haven’t talked to since Hunter passed. While others stepped up more than I could have ever asked of them and were truly there when I needed them. Non of my relationships are the same as before, because I am no longer the same.
My Little Acorn 